Start ‘em Young!

Whenever my husband and I would hike the trails with a kid in a backpack, there’d often be one person who’d say how wonderful it was that we were starting ‘em young.  Now, as my kids are still fairly young, I can’t say if I’m scaring them with long, forced hikes and “keep it up,” “it’s just around the bend,” or “we’re almost back to the car now!”  But I’d like to say that all the nature is slowly sinking in and someday they’ll prefer a tree to a T.V.

Does this sound about right? 

If I’m to garner from my own experience, I’d say that it is right.  My sister and I were raised with a T.V. allowance only on the weekends and often had even that revoked if we droned on like robots (I believe that was what we were called).  Who wouldn’t want to fill a whole Saturday morning with Saturday morning cartoons though?  I mean, you could map the whole day out till like 2 in the afternoon!  It was the best.  But as much as I grumbled about it as a kid, feeling I was underprivileged, I have to now say that I think my parents did me a great service.  Like an inheritance (perhaps some might call it torture) I’d like to pass it on. 

So, what is the best way to instill a love of sports, nature, and just plain “people time” without being an evil dictator?  Should I never allow games, Wii, Xbox, smart phones, texting, and any other numerous forms of antisocial mechanisms? 

Well, perhaps location is a good foundation to start with.  Bend, Oregon is perhaps one of the best places to working on starting your child out right.  There’s mountain biking, road biking, skiing, snowshoeing, cross country skiing, snowboarding, hiking, climbing, rafting, standup paddle boarding, fishing, running, walking, and many other forms of entertainment which happens without electronics. If a parent could get the child to fall in love with a sport early on, then maybe the other pieces would fall into place.

Repetition seems key as well.  If a T.V. is repeatedly and easily accessible, rather than a bike trail, we creatures of habit will follow what we’re comfortable with.   Forming good habits from early on will help click the off button more easily later on in life when you don’t have so much say in your child’s choices. 

If we parents provide an array of healthy options, leaving out the not-so-desirable options, then the child will pick from what’s available. Here’s a vote for starting ‘em out young!  Being a parent is often a fight of wills.  Hopefully with our own years of wisdom we can will a healthy and happy lifestyle out for our children.

How to buy Gifts for Expectant Parents

When you’re buying gifts for a mother/family expecting a baby, most often your goal is to give what will be the most helpful. Gifts, while much appreciated, can often miss the mark of being useful.  Here is a quick guide to buying baby gifts:

1)      Check their registry.  If the parents have a registry it’s good to buy what they say they really need.  So often new parents have a lot of repeats or too many similar items. Blankets are always a favorite to buy – it’s hard to resist thinking of wrapping up those little bundles of joy in soft, warm blankets!  But 10 blankets or more is too much! Sometimes you just need to resist and go with practical.

2)      Have early baby showers. If you’re planning to give your gift to the expectant family 1 or 2 months before the due date, then you might be too late.  A mom gets very antsy about not being prepared in these last couple months and very well may go out and buy what she needs during this time.  If you’d really like to help out, get presents to them early so the mom doesn't worry about being unprepared.

3)      Ask the mom what she needs. Often times an expectant mom might get so many newborn clothes and then have nothing for the baby to wear when it hits the 3 month size.  Typically babies grow out of the newborn size in one month. While this size is SO adorable because of how tiny it is, often the baby will get the most use out of the 3 month size.  Sometimes you may even want to go to the 6 month size.  Asking what she really needs helps stretch your dollar to the greatest use.

4)      Second-hand can be divine!  If you know of a baby who will is of the same sex but just a few months older than the arriving baby, you may find a parent who is very willing to pass on some of the clothes her child is no longer using.  All those baby clothes take up a lot of storage room and a mother is often very happy to pass along her old baby clothes so that a new baby can get use out of it.  Ask around. A gifted box full of second hand clothes can be a real blessing to the new mother as well as the old.

5)      Beware of buying shoes.  Tiny newborn shoes are very cute, but often get no use at all!  Most shoes don’t get used until the baby starts moving around and crawling.  If you’d like to give the best gift, when it comes to shoes, try giving shoes in larger sizes.  Also, there are certain brands which are considered the best, though can be fairly expensive.  Brands such as Robeez are excellent for crawlers and new walkers. See Kai Run and Pediped are also very well made and will last.  As these shoes are more expensive so you may want to check second hand stores to see if they sell these brands gently used. 

6)      Too many soaps and lotions.  Another gift often over-given is soaps, lotions and other bath/cleaning products.  This is a place where checking a registry can be helpful.  If you see that they have already received it on their registry, then refrain.  If not, then they might really appreciate you fulfilling this essential need.

7)      Diapers!  One of the best gifts you can give a new or expectant mother is diapers.  They go through so many newborn diapers in the beginning and having a good supply is a big help. If the family chooses to go with cloth diapers, then they might need someone to buy the supplies for that.  Check with the family to see what might be most needed.

Demystifying Potty Training

When I first began to actually consider potty training my child it suddenly didn’t seem so simple.  All these questions popped into my head like, “What happens in the car seat with no diaper on?” or “What do you do if they just refuse to ever use the toilet?” or just plain and simple “Am I pushing this on her too early?”  The visions of diaper eradication are grand, but at what price?

With all my worries, the technique I ended up using for my oldest daughter worked in 5 days!  I was amazed when it worked so well and I have to give credit to Jo Frost’s book Suppernanny: How to get the Best from Your Children.  You can certainly run out and buy this book (which I do recommend), but I’m going to touch on the essentials here.

In preparation, you need to prepare your own mind.  Know that there is no going back and that diapers are now a thing of the past. Frost’s explanation is that this helps to eliminate confusion for the child about what their parents expect of them.  “Do I use the potty or do I use my diaper?”

You next prepare your child.  Watch and observe them.  Do they show interest in the bathroom and what you’re doing in there? (yes, there is no privacy at this age!).  Typically potty training starts around 2 years to 2 ½.  Sometimes boys take a little longer. If you do start potty training and it seems to be an abnormal disaster, then perhaps you may need to wait a little longer.

The next step in preparation was my favorite part. We bought a new plastic container and wrote on it “potty treats” and filled it full of M&Ms. My daughter, about 1 ½ years later, still fondly calls M&Ms potty treats. The way this works is simply that every time your child successfully uses the toilet they get an M&M. Of course this can sometimes get abused by a child who suddenly has to use the toilet 4 times in an hour, but even this is stepping in the right direction.  You’re getting them excited about using the bathroom after all.  Eventually we faded the M&Ms out when it became superfluous.

You’re almost ready! Head to the store and buy fun underwear, a cheap portable potty seat and another one for the house.  Get exciting underwear with princesses or robots on them help encourage their process.  The portable potty will be kept in the car for a few months (more later). The seat for the house (I recommend one that fits onto the adult seat) will be for normal use when at home.

Now that you’re prepared, day one begins. Explain to your child that they will no longer be using diapers and that every time they need to use the toilet, they need to let you know and you’ll rush them on over to use it.  On day one and two, expect to change clothes several times during the day.  Just accepting this helps endure it and realize that it gets better quickly.

Throughout the day keep asking your child if they need to go number 1 or 2.  Don’t be afraid to leave the house as your child needs to know that life continues on just as normal.  I would leave the house, but those days held some of the fastest grocery store trips ever.  They were in record time! Before leaving the house pack some spare clothes with you just incase and ask your child if they need to go. If they are in the car and say that they need to go potty then pull over to a safe place and whip out the porta-potty. It may be embarrassing, but better than cleaning up the car seat later.

You may not see much progress in the first few days, but kids generally don’t like to wet their pants start catching on.  Around the 3^rd or 4^th day you’ll see fewer accidents and more enthusiasm for their pee-and-reward game. By the 5^th or 6^th day you might come upon your first full accident free day.  It should get exponentially better from here on out.

The main point of potty training is to be consistent with your training. If another person is helping you with childcare, then make sure they’re on board with your plan as well and not reverting back to diapers. Bring spare clothes with you as a habit for a few weeks. For a while it may seem that diapers were easier than underwear, but once your child catches the knack of potty training you’ll see how much easier you’ve made things on yourself!  Finally, good luck!

The Difficulties of Finding Reliable Childcare

I've found that as a working mother of two children that one of the most heart-anguishing duties as a parent is looking for childcare. You can look and look at the childcare available but finding a place you feel comfortable with, which also suites your pocketbook, is not easy!  Often times you’ll find a place which seems fantastic, but is too expensive.  Or in another case the facility may not have room for your child. The hours you need may not suit the provider or their hours may not suit your work schedule. Or perhaps you place your child and then he or she is miserable.  The possible complications which arise go on and on! 

Perhaps some parents walk in to the nirvana of childcare on their first attempt (and I wish all parents were that lucky!) but for those of us who spend our time worrying and stressing over where to place our children when we’re working here are a few tips I’ve learned from being out in the field.

Get the Important Questions Asked First

You can spend a lot of time finding out information about a certain childcare provider only to find out at the end that a crucial factor doesn’t match your needs. Do yourself a favor and have 3 or 4 important questions to ask first so you can know right away if this place is or is not for you.  Some examples of deal-breaker questions: “What are your hours?” “What are your rates?” “What is your discipline policy?” “What are the minimum required days my child must attend?” 

Questions along these lines may determine right away if you need to say “Thank you for your time” and then walk away to check out the next place on your list.  If you need help with what questions to ask take a look at Which Questions to Ask on Bend Parent.

Local Resources and References

The subject of finding good childcare is what inspired me to start Bend Parent in the first place!  I felt so lost trying to figure out what childcare was available in Central Oregon with my difficult time schedule that I wanted to help out other parents and make it easier for them.  So I created a reference list of childcare places around town found here at Bend Parent.

Through my searches I also came in contact with NeighborImpact. They will take time to look over your specific needs and offer up a list of suggested childcare facilities for you to try.  If those don’t work for you they tell you to come back for more options. 

Try checking the Internet for websites specifically used for reviewing. Often these websites will have reviews on a business based purely on user reviews (people like you and me).  You can learn a lot about a facility by what the general public is saying about them.

Finally, if you run into a childcare facility which cannot meet your needs, don’t be afraid to ask them to suggest someone they would trust their child with. Ask your friends and co-workers who they use or have them ask their friends. Personal references can be a treasure!

Get Creative

Sometimes your schedule and circumstances may not fit nicely into most childcare standards. In these cases you often have to get creative!  As much as it can be a hassle and time-sink, you may have to consider using more than one facility in the case of multiple children or even a different place if you work unusual hours.  You might also try asking around and checking want ads (or placing one on local bulletin boards and newspapers) for individual people wanting to do in-home childcare. 

A nanny might work for odd hours or even over-night hours (for people working graveyard shifts). While nannies are typically more expensive, consider contacting other friends in need and having them go in on the cost with you in a joint situation. For example, have both of your kids watched in one home by one nanny or childcare provider, effectively cutting the cost for you both and making it affordable.

Financial Help

If you’re having a rough time financially making the cost of childcare but can’t afford not to have it, try to get financial aid through the community.  Bend Parent has a list of Public Resources which you might qualify for.

Whoever you end up choosing, make sure to research the place or person you end up with to make sure they are skilled and qualified. Asking for references can be helpful.  It’s difficult to let others whom you barely know take care of your child, but once you find a good childcare provider the peace of mind you’ll gain will be worth the trouble! 

Travel Tips with Young Kids

When it comes to traveling with young children, I’ve been there, done that! There are tips and tricks to make it easier on yourself, but my best piece of advice is to start ‘em young. 

First of all, get them used to being in the car seat. Don’t be afraid to drive around with them even if they’re crying and fussing. If you can power through the difficult moments when you just sit there wishing you had one of those cars with the sound-proof glass separating front from back, then you can start to get your child used to the car. They learn that this is just the way things go. It really makes life easier once your child accepts car travel as a way of life.

Singing to your baby can work wonders in the car. They like the sound of your voice, no matter how off-key you might think it. Getting a snack-trap is a real blessing too! It’s perfect for little hands which can’t quite maneuver a plastic bag or cup yet. 

You may think driving from Bend to Portland is an intimidating feat, but again, if they get used to being in the car they’ll get the hang of it. Bring lots of snacks, a blanket or stuffed animal to encourage sleep, sing to them or maybe stop a few times to let them stretch their legs. When your child might seem like they’re at their worst it often just means that sleep is around the corner. If you can hold out a little longer than you might get a little reward for your patience!

If you’re traveling in Winter or when there might be snow on the ground (basically Fall, Winter or Spring. Oh and I guess there was one Fourth of July one year…) make sure to pack up blankets, extra water and anything you might need incase of an emergency. If you hit a bad spot and end up taking a lot longer than you expected you’ll be very grateful for those extra diapers, food and warm clothes! 

One of my most beloved baby items (which you can use for about the first two years!) is a baby tent. It folds up into a convenient, small and light round bag. You pull it out of the bag and it pops right into a tent shape! No, tent poles or any of that nonsense! It zips up but your child can still see you while he/she is inside. The tent comes with an inflatable mattress to lay on and also help keep your child warm up off the ground. It’s a fantastic substitute for a pack ‘n play and a space-saver!

If you have family traveling into Central Oregon with small kids, you might consider renting baby items so they don’t have to lug bulky kid’s gear around with them or pay expensive air travel fees. Or another good option is to check out some of the well-stocked consignment kid’s stores around town and maybe even sell the item back to them when you're done. 

Air travel can be somewhat tricky and unfortunately not always a good experience. I’ve learned the hard way and also learned from other people’s stories. 

You can fly free with a “lap infant” up until they turn 2 years of age. This is a fantastic money saver, though by the time they hit 18 months you may begin to feel that no matter what it costs buying the child their own seat is well worth the money! If you have an over night flight you should check with the airline to see if they have a bassinette option for your child. This is basically a little pull-out pocket crib and can be a big relief if you’re able to get your baby to fall asleep. 

Another big help, especially with lay-overs, is to bring your stroller along. It helps when you have a lot to carry. You can push your child right up to the gate most of the time and have the gate staff load your stroller right onto the plane and pick it up again immediately upon landing. Check the directional signs for play places when you arrive at an airport. It lets the kids burn off energy and also gives them a bit of a reward for putting up with all the confinement of the plane.

Many people are very kind and will be understanding of the tough time you may be having with rambunctious youngsters. Unfortunately this is not always the case and sometimes you can hardly blame them. No one wants to have their seat kicked or hear screaming, etc. Tight, cramped airplanes are just not conducive atmospheres for even-tempers and patience. The best I can offer is to bring a variety of things for your child to do. You’ll have to gauge this according to your child’s age and abilities, but DVD players, brand-new (to them) toys, books and food all can work wonders. 

If your flying experience is like mine, you’re going to have tantrums and you’re probably going to be pretty embarrassed. All I can say is just to do your best and remember that other people have been in your shoes and may be more understanding than you imagine them to be. Then float off into your happy place dreaming of your hopefully wonderful destination-to-come.

Whether cars or plane (sorry I guess I haven’t done it all as I’ve no train experience) you often have to tough it out, but there will be plenty of times when you are glad you did for the end result. Plus you’ll build a love of travel in your child at a young age and perhaps when they’re older they might be suggesting the travel plans to you! Bon voyage!

My daughter wants a cell phone and she is in 6th grade, is this too early?

When deciding about cell phone usage in your household you first have to figure out what are your top priorities...

Safety You should decide if you feel your child will be safer with a cell phone or not. Perhaps store several important numbers, including emergency numbers as well as family and emergency contacts. I would recommend advising your child about not giving this number out to strangers and being careful about usage. If the child is very young, perhaps allow the phone to be used only in case of emergency. A phone could also be very useful if your son or daughter is at school and needs to contact you about a change in plans, after-school activities, if they missed the bus home and need a ride or just to keep in touch with you.

Cost It's very easy for a cell phone to be over-used and have outrageously expensive bills. Check with your cell phone company first about parental controls on a phone for your child.  Also talk with your child about the importance of not abusing a cell phone.  Discuss consequences for using the phone too much.

Texting Most kids text and enjoy it as a way to communicate with their friends. Often parents report that they have better communication with their child by texting with them too. Some parent have found texting to be a problem as their kids start doing it too much or have it start growing to be a third arm, inseparable from their bodies! Before texting gets to be a problem, try to head off the issue by setting boundaries first.  For example, no texting at the dinner table or when spending family time together. Also if you have the typical "$5 plan" for a limited amount of text messages, make sure your child is aware of it the limit and set consequences for going over this limit.  Make sure they know how to key in the code specific to your phone carrier to check how many text messages they've already used.  If text messaging gets out of hand, there is always the option of turning off text messaging all together on just one of your family phone lines, then no texts can be sent or received.

Balance A cell phone will pretty much be inevitable at some point down the road, but as the parent you have the right to decide when.  Figure out a good game plan before saying "yes" to a phone and stick to it.  You can always adapt later.  Giving your child a bit of responsibility for their actions is a good way to show your child that you trust them, but that you also expect them to abide to the consequences of their actions.