How to buy Gifts for Expectant Parents

When you’re buying gifts for a mother/family expecting a baby, most often your goal is to give what will be the most helpful. Gifts, while much appreciated, can often miss the mark of being useful.  Here is a quick guide to buying baby gifts:

1)      Check their registry.  If the parents have a registry it’s good to buy what they say they really need.  So often new parents have a lot of repeats or too many similar items. Blankets are always a favorite to buy – it’s hard to resist thinking of wrapping up those little bundles of joy in soft, warm blankets!  But 10 blankets or more is too much! Sometimes you just need to resist and go with practical.

2)      Have early baby showers. If you’re planning to give your gift to the expectant family 1 or 2 months before the due date, then you might be too late.  A mom gets very antsy about not being prepared in these last couple months and very well may go out and buy what she needs during this time.  If you’d really like to help out, get presents to them early so the mom doesn't worry about being unprepared.

3)      Ask the mom what she needs. Often times an expectant mom might get so many newborn clothes and then have nothing for the baby to wear when it hits the 3 month size.  Typically babies grow out of the newborn size in one month. While this size is SO adorable because of how tiny it is, often the baby will get the most use out of the 3 month size.  Sometimes you may even want to go to the 6 month size.  Asking what she really needs helps stretch your dollar to the greatest use.

4)      Second-hand can be divine!  If you know of a baby who will is of the same sex but just a few months older than the arriving baby, you may find a parent who is very willing to pass on some of the clothes her child is no longer using.  All those baby clothes take up a lot of storage room and a mother is often very happy to pass along her old baby clothes so that a new baby can get use out of it.  Ask around. A gifted box full of second hand clothes can be a real blessing to the new mother as well as the old.

5)      Beware of buying shoes.  Tiny newborn shoes are very cute, but often get no use at all!  Most shoes don’t get used until the baby starts moving around and crawling.  If you’d like to give the best gift, when it comes to shoes, try giving shoes in larger sizes.  Also, there are certain brands which are considered the best, though can be fairly expensive.  Brands such as Robeez are excellent for crawlers and new walkers. See Kai Run and Pediped are also very well made and will last.  As these shoes are more expensive so you may want to check second hand stores to see if they sell these brands gently used. 

6)      Too many soaps and lotions.  Another gift often over-given is soaps, lotions and other bath/cleaning products.  This is a place where checking a registry can be helpful.  If you see that they have already received it on their registry, then refrain.  If not, then they might really appreciate you fulfilling this essential need.

7)      Diapers!  One of the best gifts you can give a new or expectant mother is diapers.  They go through so many newborn diapers in the beginning and having a good supply is a big help. If the family chooses to go with cloth diapers, then they might need someone to buy the supplies for that.  Check with the family to see what might be most needed.

Demystifying Potty Training

When I first began to actually consider potty training my child it suddenly didn’t seem so simple.  All these questions popped into my head like, “What happens in the car seat with no diaper on?” or “What do you do if they just refuse to ever use the toilet?” or just plain and simple “Am I pushing this on her too early?”  The visions of diaper eradication are grand, but at what price?

With all my worries, the technique I ended up using for my oldest daughter worked in 5 days!  I was amazed when it worked so well and I have to give credit to Jo Frost’s book Suppernanny: How to get the Best from Your Children.  You can certainly run out and buy this book (which I do recommend), but I’m going to touch on the essentials here.

In preparation, you need to prepare your own mind.  Know that there is no going back and that diapers are now a thing of the past. Frost’s explanation is that this helps to eliminate confusion for the child about what their parents expect of them.  “Do I use the potty or do I use my diaper?”

You next prepare your child.  Watch and observe them.  Do they show interest in the bathroom and what you’re doing in there? (yes, there is no privacy at this age!).  Typically potty training starts around 2 years to 2 ½.  Sometimes boys take a little longer. If you do start potty training and it seems to be an abnormal disaster, then perhaps you may need to wait a little longer.

The next step in preparation was my favorite part. We bought a new plastic container and wrote on it “potty treats” and filled it full of M&Ms. My daughter, about 1 ½ years later, still fondly calls M&Ms potty treats. The way this works is simply that every time your child successfully uses the toilet they get an M&M. Of course this can sometimes get abused by a child who suddenly has to use the toilet 4 times in an hour, but even this is stepping in the right direction.  You’re getting them excited about using the bathroom after all.  Eventually we faded the M&Ms out when it became superfluous.

You’re almost ready! Head to the store and buy fun underwear, a cheap portable potty seat and another one for the house.  Get exciting underwear with princesses or robots on them help encourage their process.  The portable potty will be kept in the car for a few months (more later). The seat for the house (I recommend one that fits onto the adult seat) will be for normal use when at home.

Now that you’re prepared, day one begins. Explain to your child that they will no longer be using diapers and that every time they need to use the toilet, they need to let you know and you’ll rush them on over to use it.  On day one and two, expect to change clothes several times during the day.  Just accepting this helps endure it and realize that it gets better quickly.

Throughout the day keep asking your child if they need to go number 1 or 2.  Don’t be afraid to leave the house as your child needs to know that life continues on just as normal.  I would leave the house, but those days held some of the fastest grocery store trips ever.  They were in record time! Before leaving the house pack some spare clothes with you just incase and ask your child if they need to go. If they are in the car and say that they need to go potty then pull over to a safe place and whip out the porta-potty. It may be embarrassing, but better than cleaning up the car seat later.

You may not see much progress in the first few days, but kids generally don’t like to wet their pants start catching on.  Around the 3^rd or 4^th day you’ll see fewer accidents and more enthusiasm for their pee-and-reward game. By the 5^th or 6^th day you might come upon your first full accident free day.  It should get exponentially better from here on out.

The main point of potty training is to be consistent with your training. If another person is helping you with childcare, then make sure they’re on board with your plan as well and not reverting back to diapers. Bring spare clothes with you as a habit for a few weeks. For a while it may seem that diapers were easier than underwear, but once your child catches the knack of potty training you’ll see how much easier you’ve made things on yourself!  Finally, good luck!

The Difficulties of Finding Reliable Childcare

I've found that as a working mother of two children that one of the most heart-anguishing duties as a parent is looking for childcare. You can look and look at the childcare available but finding a place you feel comfortable with, which also suites your pocketbook, is not easy!  Often times you’ll find a place which seems fantastic, but is too expensive.  Or in another case the facility may not have room for your child. The hours you need may not suit the provider or their hours may not suit your work schedule. Or perhaps you place your child and then he or she is miserable.  The possible complications which arise go on and on! 

Perhaps some parents walk in to the nirvana of childcare on their first attempt (and I wish all parents were that lucky!) but for those of us who spend our time worrying and stressing over where to place our children when we’re working here are a few tips I’ve learned from being out in the field.

Get the Important Questions Asked First

You can spend a lot of time finding out information about a certain childcare provider only to find out at the end that a crucial factor doesn’t match your needs. Do yourself a favor and have 3 or 4 important questions to ask first so you can know right away if this place is or is not for you.  Some examples of deal-breaker questions: “What are your hours?” “What are your rates?” “What is your discipline policy?” “What are the minimum required days my child must attend?” 

Questions along these lines may determine right away if you need to say “Thank you for your time” and then walk away to check out the next place on your list.  If you need help with what questions to ask take a look at Which Questions to Ask on Bend Parent.

Local Resources and References

The subject of finding good childcare is what inspired me to start Bend Parent in the first place!  I felt so lost trying to figure out what childcare was available in Central Oregon with my difficult time schedule that I wanted to help out other parents and make it easier for them.  So I created a reference list of childcare places around town found here at Bend Parent.

Through my searches I also came in contact with NeighborImpact. They will take time to look over your specific needs and offer up a list of suggested childcare facilities for you to try.  If those don’t work for you they tell you to come back for more options. 

Try checking the Internet for websites specifically used for reviewing. Often these websites will have reviews on a business based purely on user reviews (people like you and me).  You can learn a lot about a facility by what the general public is saying about them.

Finally, if you run into a childcare facility which cannot meet your needs, don’t be afraid to ask them to suggest someone they would trust their child with. Ask your friends and co-workers who they use or have them ask their friends. Personal references can be a treasure!

Get Creative

Sometimes your schedule and circumstances may not fit nicely into most childcare standards. In these cases you often have to get creative!  As much as it can be a hassle and time-sink, you may have to consider using more than one facility in the case of multiple children or even a different place if you work unusual hours.  You might also try asking around and checking want ads (or placing one on local bulletin boards and newspapers) for individual people wanting to do in-home childcare. 

A nanny might work for odd hours or even over-night hours (for people working graveyard shifts). While nannies are typically more expensive, consider contacting other friends in need and having them go in on the cost with you in a joint situation. For example, have both of your kids watched in one home by one nanny or childcare provider, effectively cutting the cost for you both and making it affordable.

Financial Help

If you’re having a rough time financially making the cost of childcare but can’t afford not to have it, try to get financial aid through the community.  Bend Parent has a list of Public Resources which you might qualify for.

Whoever you end up choosing, make sure to research the place or person you end up with to make sure they are skilled and qualified. Asking for references can be helpful.  It’s difficult to let others whom you barely know take care of your child, but once you find a good childcare provider the peace of mind you’ll gain will be worth the trouble!